Can’t miss something you pushed away. 

The song is on repeat, listening to it 1000 times hoping that I’ll get sick of it, that it will eventually rot what love I have for you away from this healthy heart. The unfortunate part is that once it starts to become numb, something new comes along and lets me feel again. It allows me to wallow in all the thoughts of you.

Yeah, you read all the blogs, and you focus on just the negative, never seeing the positive, like, damn, this guy has dedicated an entire blog to me, just me… No, you see one negative thing, and it’s the end of everything. And you say I’m negative?!? I ain’t got shit on you sweetheart. 

Here I am, per usual, feeling left out, left alone, listening to heart break songs. I’m about to fly out of the state for a few days at midnight, and all I can think about is how I didn’t get a good-bye kiss from my girl, but then reality sets in, I don’t have a girl to kiss good-bye, she’s kissing her man, the one she’s supposed to be with.

I push the knife further in hoping eventually that it will kill this void she left behind. It’s crazy to think how it all went down, and how I didn’t even get a fair good-bye, a reason, an excuse, but the silence speaks for her. 

I do love her, and the situation we were in made things different, harder, and trying to process that, live with all that, and be happy proved to be too much for her. I was the easy leave behind moment, and I am the one left alone. She’s back with him, his comfort, and same old love, and she’s not sick of it. 

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