She’s Joels girl.

She goes to bed every night with another man. Where do I belong in the trio of wrong? I have loved this woman for so long, only to be left alone every night. Time is an enemy of mine, while he gets her everything, I get her maybes. Sometimes I wonder what I did wrong? What is wrong with me? Why can’t she see that love is enough. I guess the old motto love is enough doesn’t apply anymore. My love can’t compete with his money, and her need to stay with him.

I’m a broken-hearted fool trying to limp through this denial. I know I’m going to lose, I always do. While they go to dinners, shows, bars, friends, the mountain, I’m sitting here paralyzed waiting for the slightest moment of attention from her, only to play nice, and keep my real emotions locked up inside. I can’t be honest, I can’t lie, I can only do half smiles, and surface life in those moments. Why? Because I’m afraid to lose her, but I know that if it is that easy for her to leave me over nothing, then I should have my answer.

He doesn’t do the things he should, but there she stays. He doesn’t treat her like a woman, and maybe that’s what she wants. Maybe he doesn’t expect better from her, but I do. He buys her nice things, back to back, and it is a glaring reminder every time I see them on her. While my love goes and gets tested, questioned over and over now. She was leaving when we met, but I think she finally sees him trying again, and it has her rethinking everything. Is it because he finally sees she’s unhappy, and that it’s because of him? 

Will he ever see the woman I see? Will he ever love her the way that I love her? Will he be the man she needs him to be? Will he hold her when she’s sick, and hold her up when she’s falling? Will he be the rock she can stand on when she can’t see, lean on when she’s tired? Will he be everything she needs and wants? Maybe he is, and she needed a break to realize it. Sometimes when you lose something, you need to get away to find it again. Maybe all I was for her was a break, and maybe I showed her how to love and be loved. Demand more for herself and not to settle. 

In the end, she’s still Joel’s girl. He kisses her whenever he wants. I used to get chances here and there. I am in a relationship with a girl who’s in a relationship with someone she still loves, and can’t let go. I am the expandable piece in this puzzle.


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