I am so lonely, that’s the underlining feeling I can’t escape. How can I truly write about love and loving when I’m just ignored, and cast away like a common piece of trash? I am blamed for wondering why, and blamed for being a certain way, and that I ruin her escape from me by reacting to the gaping hole she left behind. I can’t say or write the right thing, every move I make is met with more and more silence. You’d think silence is final, and it couldn’t get any worse, but it can, trust me.
I can’t think about it anymore, it just erks me to no end how a person can just shut out someone they love so much, how they can treat them the way they do, and move on like nothing is wrong. Even though they “claim” it’s not easy, but everything else you see says other wise. I know, shouldn’t make assumptions on perception, but it’s hard when you have nothing else to go on. Yes, I’ve asked, Yes, I’ve tried, and yes, they are all met with silence and or short unfeeling answers.
A song called Unlove You by Jennifer Nettles is on point when describing how I feel. I just can’t forget. She describes the torture of not being able to move on, and to have the slightest hope that it may still work out… sucker unpacking the lies I was told is taking longer than I thought it would, but I know in the end, I’ll be better for it. Maybe I’ll find understanding, maybe I’ll find answers, or maybe I’ll just learn how to not give a fuck anymore.