See the smile…

Well WordPress blog, I’ve stayed away for awhile, to collect my thoughts, do some soul searching, and to calm down. 

I have lost my best friend, not to any sickness or death… nope, by their choice. Not that I agree with it, or really understand it, but I have to respect it. So, imagine if you will, talking to someone you love so much everyday for a year plus, and then just like poof, you don’t. 

I mean everyday, hours on end, about nothing, anything, and everything. Sharing every detail about your day, laughing, smiling, loving, fighting, working things out, etc everything a relationship is about, usually. 

I am going to do my best these next couple of posts to stay neutral, carefree, and light. Then I’m sure I will post some dark, angry pissed off type shit. I have been writing a lot, but have held off posting for fear of saying something I don’t mean, and only out of pure frustration. 

I have some writings about dual-relationships, liar, forgetting, remembering, false hope, there’s someone else, doubt, hurt, anger, love, sadness, cold, shut down, lies, and so on… 

When you have no control, you have no say, you have NO one to talk too, it gets so sad and lonely. Sure, there are people around to talk to, but to have what we shared, I’d need a small army of people to come close to what we had. She was everything, and I am sure she is stronger than me when it comes to this. She can shut shit down with ease, and shows no weakness, or desire to fix it. She is so strong, a quality I love about her, even though it sucks for me.

So bare with me as I use this blog a little longer as my own therapy sessions. Shit will get ugly, before it gets better. I know I have to wait, I know there is no promise with anything that comes with it… For the 1st time in my life I’m going to see this through, whether it starts over or ends.

So for now, this song is on, and what comes next, who knows. I’ll just keep living day to day, and hope she sees what she’s losing, and will want to keep it. Space doesn’t mean the end, or so I keep telling myself that.


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