Self-loathing

Is there a place I can go to let out the anger of 1000 demons and release the force of a Dragon dive bombing a castle? I need to explode, I want my insides out. I want my heart out of my chest, the pain is more than I can bare.

I can’t move on, I can’t let go, I know what it was, I know what I had, I cry everyday for this loss, and it seems like I am the only one that feels this way. Where does one go to explode his rage out? I can’t break teeth out of someones face, I can’t take this frustration to places I want too, need too, I’ll get in a rage that no one can save, and the world will end. 

I listen to music to sooth the savage beast, but it is temporary to the roots, these bitter roots. My heart keeps reminding me of the pain, the shame, and all that has been lost. This hole in my chest can’t be filled, so the anger starts to staple the wound shut to stop the bleeding.

Stay clear of me boy, I will make sure you can’t walk, I’ll make sure you can’t talk, I’ll make sure you can never touch again. The words I use can’t describe the hate I have, their isn’t a word in my head to describe what it is I feel, the only ones that come close are pure white hot rage. Lightening comes from my fists while the thunder you hear is my pain coming out of voice rolling around in your head.

When I finally wake I see the room is dark, and the demon flees out the door as a shadow had been exposed by light. I wipe the sweat from my head, and feel my body relax. These nightmares are getting real, and I am even self-loathing in my sleep. 

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