Same old me…

What will the new year bring?
Everyone wants a new them, a fresh start, a restart, a redo, a clean slate, and wants something new going on in their lives. For some it’s a great way to get going, get a jump on what will inevitably be a year long battle of achieving this new you. 

Me? Fuck that. Mr. Negatron will start the new year right where he left 2016. Pissed at his situations he has no control over. Hopelessly lost in a love he so desperately wants but can not have. Stuck in limbo with a heart that’s about to explode, and a soul that is been pushed down, and gagged. 

I opened up my heart mid way through the year, and it has been a fucking rollercoaster ride ever since. I honestly haven’t been this fucked up in a very long time. And trying to wipe it all away, becoming a new me, and all that bullshit new year farce is just setting my up for failure. To further my fall into the preverbal rabbits hole.

I have goals, I have dreams, I have shit I want to do in 2017 that 2016 couldn’t produce for me. One thing I guess I will change, but it’s out of saving myself pain rather than a resolution: Shutting down my heart to the neglect. If people chose to do other things, or be with other people when I’m here asking to be with me or hang, then I need to remove myself from them. I have a lot of life to give, I have a lot to offer any relationship, and if no one wants that, then I’ll stop trying. 

I will continue to be in love with a woman that has just stolen my heart. I will continue to shower her with my attention and love, whether she asks for it or not. I will continue to support her every decision, and I will continue being the best I can for her, even if she continues to stay where she is. 

2017 doesn’t look any better than how 2016 ended. For me to think an etch-a-sketch type beginning will work for me is laughable. I remember what happened, what pain I went through and with no real promise of a better tomorrow, this is how I will remain. No new dreams to be crushed, no new hopes to be dashed, just life, just the way it is; muddy as fuck. 


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