2:32am as I sit in my dark room, writing words down on my phone. I hate that I’m alone again. I am in a constant state of unrest. I worked my ass off all week, come home super late, body exhausted; mind is ready to unload.

It was almost a perfect ending to a crappy week, but it wasn’t meant to be, and another day gets crossed off the chart of happiness. It sucks, no real other way to put it, just sucks. She’s home and in bed with him, and I’m on this couch wondering how I got here.

It feels like I’m losing my mind, sleep deprived, I look around for some answers, but all I find are more questions, and the theory of it working out are getting thinner and thinner as choices are made before I get a say in the matter…

Can I afford more risks? Can I afford to be spread so thin? Can it be she’s moved on? Can the magic be gone? Can she live a life without me in it? She does not need me, she needs no one, but she wants a helping hand sometimes, and she will always get it. 

Pondering does me no favors, in fact it further fuels my insecurities on how she really feels about us. Sleep deprived and kicking.


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