One more round with these demons…

This is my season, this is my time to shine, and to be all sweet, and loving. I love October through December, I find myself to be the most open, the most nostalgic, and just wanting to be with the one I love. This year, not so much. I’m feeling very lonely and sad.

These last few days have really driven that point home, and here I am doing nothing but feeling sad. I know I could be with someone to fill that void, but it’s not the same, and it wouldn’t last, or be worth it. I can’t fake it. 

I tell people I’m lonely, and instead of trying to cheer me up, make me feel wanted they leave me alone. Why do people do that? Do the exact opposite of what the other is feeling. I’m feeling lonely, so maybe hang out with me? No? Leave me alone to further the loneliness… Ok then. Good talk.

I know I shouldn’t be like this, but my heart is here, and it has this defect of wanting attention from the one I love, but It can’t get that. So I have this empty feeling, this darkness, these depression type feelings of; It’s never going to happen. 

I am usually elbow deep in fall foliage fun, getting ready for the cooler days of November right into the fluffy goodness of winter. I am the most romantic at these times, most loving, and just so damn happy. Walks in the woods, hikes on the mountains, long drives on old country roads, coffee, treats, and holding the hand of my love. I can’t see it anymore.

My color is starting to go black and white, and think that my love is wounded, and needs to recover. Always at war with myself, at war with demons that aren’t even mine to fight. I’m usually up for that fight, ready to slay those beasts, but these months, maybe not so much, maybe I’m just going to be on the ropes getting slaughtered. Not sure I can last this round of the fight. Will I get knocked out, or survive to get into the next round?!  


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