Dead inside

You win… you’re right, I don’t want to hurt like this anymore. And since you don’t want to stop hurting me, I guess I’ll be dead inside. I am going through today in the worst way. I have no feeling, no life, nothing. It’s my fault, it’s always my fault… I trusted, and this is where it gets me. You’ll be fine, you can shut it all down, and move through like a robot. I tried, I listened, I did everrything right, and here I am with my heart in my hand.

I never knew it coukd hurt like this. Anger came and went surprisingly fast, it left a wake of sadness behind and I’m drowning in it. I am an idiot, on a train bound for nowhere, and I jumped right on like a fool. I should have seen the signs, I should have listened to the warnings, but love is fucking blind. I am laying flat on my back, trying to drown out the screams of regret with music filled with pain.

I don’t know what to do anymore. You win, I don’t want to be hurt by you anymore. A little bit, a sliver of something to show me this wasn’t a whatever for you, but it was just whatever. You don’t continually hurt someone you love, unless you only care about yourself. Tears rolled down my eyes leaving a trail of sadness on my dirty face. 

I will hold onto hope, because I’m a fucking hopeless romantic, and the thought of forever gone, may be just to much to bear… 


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