She never will.

Here it is again…

Just when I thought everything was going the way it was supposed to, that bitch karma shows up and reminds me just where I am again.

I think I’m good, things are tracking the way I want, and really it’s just a false wall of security, only to fall on top of me, crushing all of my hope.

I can’t do this much longer, it really takes a toll on me, and I feel like I’m in the final round of a historic fight. At any given moment that final punch will lay me out, and I’ll be done, with nothing left but scars and memories. 

I have given it my all, I couldn’t do more even if I wanted too. I my legs are shaking, my heart is weakening, my breath shallow, and my eyes swollen shut… And all you can do is stand there and stare at me blankly. 

You talk to me as if it’s no big deal, you say things that are cold and unfeeling. You have no care for me, you are selfish, and I suffer because of it. These are the traits of most of the people I let in my life, and all I want is to be cared for back, thought of, and made to feel worth it.

My whole life, yes, whole life, I have been second in 99% of everyone’s life. I put so many people first in my life, and I get slayed for it. Then why keep doing that? Why keep torturing yourself you may ask. I know that when I find someone that returns the same as me, will be the greatest thing of my life. If I stop, I may miss that person…

What does it matter anyways, I am not a normal person, I have expectations, standards, and people just don’t want that in their life. They just want to continue to be free, and do whatever, and really not thinking of anyone but themselves. Having accountability to another, holy shit, people freakout. Bottom line, I may just never get what I think I deserve, and well that’s a reality I may have to come to grips with. 


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