I have been restless these last few nights. I sit here on this couch wondering if I give everything up for one thing, would it be worth it?
I have given up so much already to only get the bare minimum in return. I usually want equal parts of effort, love, and admiration with my lover. Sometimes I want more, or get more, but I have never settled for anything less. Yet I find myself being fine with les attention than I think deserve with what I have put into this.
It’s not like she is purposefully trying to be cold and withhold her love, no, she is just not an affectionate person. This is a foreign concept for me, because I’m used to the exact opposite, and I’m not sure if this is normal, or different. I struggled at first, but the more we hung out I realized that’s just the way she is.
I want her here with me now. I’d be rubbing her feet, while she unwounded from her stressful day at work. I’d sympathize with her, root for her, and curse the ones that gave her a hard time. I’d laugh with her, make her smile, and just love on her so much.
I promise not to be nega-emo on this post, but I am so lonely and desperate for her that only being able to post blogs about it tend to drain on one’s heart. She’s there, and I’m here and there is nothing I can do about it. Her life, her choices, and I’m stuck here missing her.
It’s so empty on the eyes of another. Just once and a while, a few words by you to let me know you love me, what I’m doing, and if you are happy. All I ever want is for you to he happy.