Hurry up and wait!!

Oh kay…. Have you ever written something out of anger? Then you let that hate flow out of you and onto that virtual paper like matrix code. Then when you’re done, you don’t even take the time to reread it, you just throw that shit up with the hashtag #noeffsgiven and BAM, you feel instantly gratified, vindicated and for fucks sake you showed them!

Guilty, especially if the hatred and anger is going to be read by the person it’s about. Is that passive aggressive type favor? Or a direct fuck you, that’s how I feel, and I hope it burns your heart! Really, it only makes me feel better for a little while.

Then the common sense and guilt start to creep in. I start to think, do they deserve that? Do I truly feel that way? I have such an impulse of hurting someone equally, or lashing out when I get hurt. My heart is a vindictive little asshole, and wants an eye for an eye. 

Sometimes it gets the best of me, and the shit hits the proverbial fan. I have started to wait before I post. Oh sure, I’ll write the hell out of what’s going on and how I feel, but I now wait before I post. I have hurt myself even further by not waiting, and have lost friendships, relationships and such by just posting. 

The clear writing posts that are thought out, planned, reread, and had some changed get posted when done. The highly charged emotional posts, well those just get put to the side for a few hours, or days depending on the situation, and if after a while the words I threw down still hit home, and I feel the same way, then it gets posted. In all honesty, they rarely get posted, and if I do post them, I make some key changes to make sure it’s not to personal. 

I wait, and then I post, most of the time. 

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