I’d rather be dead than feel the pain I feel right now. It’s not even a whole day and I want to cave in, fold myself up into an infinite of nothingness. Disappear on the plains of existence, not so much as a trace.
I know I can’t out run this hurt, I know I can’t turn my back on it, I know that this hurt, it’s a spike in my soul, tearing away at my very core. These words fall short of depicting how broken I am.
So shredded by her silence, I have to wonder how easy it is for her? I am clawing at my brain trying to remove these feelings of worthlessness. I have been so easily dismissed, tossed aside like a used coffee cup.
I have poured my entire being into her, and it wasn’t good enough… The standard must be set so high and I didn’t even come close to it. I thought my love was grand, it was full, warm, and everything she needed and could ever want. I am a fool for thinking I had something special that she couldn’t live without.
Hear I am, the one living without, the one longing for something that resembled what we had. Even if it wasn’t as real for her, it was for me, and I am missing her, even through all this pain, all this soul crushing defeat, I want her back, I want us, I need to hear her voice, feel her lips on mine. I am sitting here, I am changing, I am losing her, while getting lost in me.